Happy New Year. With the new year comes reflection and projection. What am I going to get done? What am I going to lose? (Weight?) Very seldom do I hear parents say, ” How can I be a better parent this year?” We are starting a new baby dedication at HeartLand and I am truly excited about it. It allows parents to project what goals and parenting skills are important to them before the baby arrives.
With that thought, Steve and I were discussing how many of our preteens and teens are posting on Facebook at 2 or 3 am on school nights. I was grieved at this because these are the same kids that are having problems in school. So I set about seeking the Lord for a solution that would help parents. This is how Steve and I problem solved with our children. We know there is an answer so we have to seek the wisest Person we know, our Heavenly Father. This is what I came up with and truly it is not from me.
A CENTRAL DOCKING STATION, yes, it is really very simple. The hardest part is you stepping in and being the parent. At night before you go to bed, collect all the laptops and phones and X-Boxes and bring them in your room. With a single (I hope it takes only one) surge protector strip, plug in all your electronics to charge. You will have the culprits in your room and your “angel” can go to sleep and make good grades. There are common excuses for not doing this and so I will help you.
1) I need my laptop for school work- sounds good, but you have many hours after school is out to do school work, 10:00 pm is not the time to start. I will wake you up early and you can finish it then.
2) You go to bed too early, I won’t have anything to do- this sounds like a typical bored child who lets media rule their lives. You don’t have to tolerate this. There are some great books to read. I started in high school reading a few minutes before I went to sleep at night, now 45 years later, I have read thousands of books and have learned quite a few things.
3) You hate me, that is why you are doing this.- No, you don’t hate them you love them enough not to let them destroy their brains and lives. My sister reminded me that when children are applying for jobs or schools -that the bosses or school officials check a child’s postings on Facebook to see what attitude is displayed there. So you really are helping your kids. I have seen some parents roll their eyes at their children’s misbehavior. It reminds me of the scripture where God says, ” Do you think I will wink at sin?”. Boundaries are very important to children and adults. “I can’t help it we are addicted…” doesn’t cut it. You are the parent and you are raising these kids for eternity not just until they are 18.
When rearing Sam and Shay, we used the 10 -20 year rule. Is it going to make a difference in 10 -20 years? Then we need to deal with it. Sam having a surfer cut or Shay having pink hair did not make a bit of difference, that is not a mountain to die on. But, a disrespectful attitude and disobedience, are symptoms of the same attitude toward God and that is real important.
There is also a scripture that says, “Fathers to not provoke your children to be angry.” I have seen fathers, constantly nag, berate and cajole their children in front of others. This only makes them angry with God and their father, who is a God- figure in their lives. When my kids were Pastor’s Kids or PK’s, people, adults and children would come up and tell on them. I first tendency was to let them have it in front of the accusers. I learned very quickly, 1) there are two sides to the story, 2) wait until we are at home and deal with it appropriately.
As parents you have to be in total agreement with whatever action you take. Steve and I would sit down and say okay, “what exactly are the rules?” Steve was really good at being firm. He simply said, “This is how it is, you can hate me but it will not change my mind.” Of course, it was up to me to follow through with the instructions which can be difficult But I always had his word to fall back on, ” Remember your Dad said we were not going to do …..?”
So I don’t want you to feel scorned as a parent or that I am condemning you, I just want to help you with parenting your children for eternity. They are awesome children and I love everyone of them.
In His Love,
Suzie
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